Crystal (nowritinghere) wrote in anti_baggage,

Just Wanted To Say...

I am joining simply to say this. I am a step parent and a full time step parent to one step child while the other lives with their mother. Before I go on.....true, I can ignore this community, yes you have the right to have what ever community you want, and I might be crossing a line and if you feel I am well sorry...don't worry I'm not staying...

In looking at this community to see what it is about I read this in the userinfo...

"Just because you love your partner doesn’t mean you have to love his brats. They are NOT your responsibility."

Now I'm going to share my opinion and if you don't like you of coures have every right to delete it and move on. But I want to share with this community how false that statement is.

It is never the child's fault when a divorce occurs and as a result every child has issues they must deal with at some point in life. Some more severe than others dependant on the situation and the personality of the child. And that is reason enough for anyone one to take it very seriously before getting in a relationship with anyone who has children. YOU MUST HAVE A DESIRE TO PARENT AND TO CO-PARENT THAT SPECIFIC CHILD BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR PARENT.

The statement that I quoted in your userinfo is a lie, it is very untruthful and I only hope that no one in this world believes that. That child is apart of your partner and you can't love that person with out loving their child. It's impossible and its a relationship that will never survive in a healthy manner. And forget about yourself and forget your partner, this is a child. An innocent child that you probably don't even know and you automaticaly think of this child as baggage as something you should have no responsiblity for, no caring for, no parenting for. That concept is not even logical.

It hurts deeply to think that their are adults in this world who would think this type of thought is normal. It isn't. It's horrible and makes me very sad. I'm not trying to judge any of you, some of you might have had horrible step parents as children and who knows what your really going on in your life and I KNOW HOW HARD STEP PARENTING CAN BE! And I know what it's like to be rejected b/c I'm not "mom". But it will only get harder and only be worse on you to stay in that relationship when you don't have a desire for that child. If I did not have a desire for my step children and their father, I would have left a long time ago. You have to have that desire for that child before you get in the relationship.

And honestly I myself would not want to be in a relationship with someone who would allow their new partner to have these feelings about their child. I hope that I have not pissed anyone off or caused a big fuss, but I wanted to share this and I hope it shows some truth to some people if not all people in this community. I can only hope that at some point in my life I am able to change the face of step parenting in our society so that more adults do not have this concept. If you have the thoughts that are in this userinfo you are hurting that child, your partner, and your self.

EDIT: I'm not trying to hurt anyone because hurting doesn't solve anything, but I had to share my feelings... I only want people to understand that divorced children have enough hard times in their lives and you should be entering their lives to help make it better. To offer healing and to offer a complete blended family of support and love. It is hard to be a single parent and I took it as an honor to help my husband and his ex wife and her husband raise both my step children.
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